And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
