When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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