Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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