Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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