I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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