Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
