Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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