is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
