Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
