I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
