the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
