You're completely useless in the revolution.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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