Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize