and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
