What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
