I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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