i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
