I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
