Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
