At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it hurts more in the daytime
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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