Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
