my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.