you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful