i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house