He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
