I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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