My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
