is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
