Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
