Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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