I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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