y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
