That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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