FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
