I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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