She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
