you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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