Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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