Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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