Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
