it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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