i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
