I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
