ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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