Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
