No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
