I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
