How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
