last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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