Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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