I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
More tranny stories later!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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