I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
