I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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