Whod you bang
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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