i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
