Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
