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Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
