i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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