The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
