my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
