dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
