Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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