Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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