: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
