i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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