Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
