so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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